Reading & Writing…in the Bathroom.

I have just relocated my writing place from the dining room to the bathroom. The results of this transition have been wonderful. There are many good reasons for writing in the bathroom. Among the most important is that it is a place of privacy. No one is allowed to bother another if he or she is in the privy, even if they know taking a dookie is not what you’re doing in there.

Best thing to do is grab a TV dinner tray and set it up in front of the throne. Place all your writing artifacts on there. Pens, paper, notes, laptop, and so on. Then, you sit down and get to work! While writing from the toilet, one may be sure never to take themselves too seriously. By not taking ourselves seriously, we avoid the all-too-common mistake of being pretentious. This will open up the door to composing real literature.

Now, it may be the case that someone, a family member perhaps, will need to use the bathroom at the most inconvenient time — while you are in the midst of your work. The best thing to do here is to ignore them. If the person banging on the door becomes too distracting, just tell them to go away. They will simply have to water the bush outside, use a neighbor’s bathroom, or else be patient and wait until you are truly finished writing for the day.

Eventually, a writer may have to take a break from composing in order to practice some composting. In this event, there should be no problem. Simply pull your pants down and your sleeves up. Keep writing. Preferably flush when done. Spray some Febreze if you feel like it. Orange or Lemongrass scented shall do just fine. Ker-plunk! and onward.

The toilet is a wonderful place for reading as well. I believe the ultimate test of a book’s literary worth is to read it while committing a bowel movement. If one feels somehow ashamed or not worthy of the words on the page while doing such a natural activity, then chances are the book is pretentious, self-righteous, and/or otherwise banal. In this case, it is best to put the book down and never look back. If, however, we find the book to be profound or enjoyable, chances are that it is a very good book indeed and one should continue reading it.

This article has been one of many I have written in my bathroom. In the case that you are reading this in your own bathroom, I can only hope that it has stood to the test.

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